counselling, psychotherapy, life coaching, supervision

On not knowing what to do

Buridan's Ass and Wilbur In one of his numerous books, Irving Yalom tells the old tale of 'Buridan's Ass'. This poor undecided creature starved to death when it found itself equidistant between two equally tempting and delicious bales of hay. It could choose which to taste first and that freedom was ... Read More >

The 100% rule for good communication between partners and others

For productive, rewarding (challenging) conversations, try observing this little rule. Warning: It only sounds simple! Each party to the conversation holds themselves and the other(s) to be 100% responsible for what they do and for what they feel. Among other things, this rule vetoes our holding someone else responsible for ... Read More >

Exposure: Questions and Answers

I imagine there's a scale that applies to all of us. It measures our tolerance to what I like to call 'exposure'. In mountain climbing, the higher the degree of exposure, the more challenging and dangerous our route is. That's mainly a scale of physical exposure, but with some strong psychological ... Read More >

Who am I?

I believe that I spent years barking up the wrong tree on this question, imagining that there must be a definitive answer of the sort that I could learn... like the answer to an exam question -something that I could put down on paper or tell it you – or ... Read More >

‘Attention Feeds’

'Attention feeds' – This is how Roberto Assagioli describes a fundamental psychological law. Assagioli was the founder of Psychosythesis, an approach to counselling and psychotherapy. This law says that paying attention to something is like watering a plant – what we're watering tends to grow: If it's a worry, or a ... Read More >

On wanting happiness

'All I want is to be happy.' – That statement and variations of it crop up again and again in counselling sessions. It seems clear and reasonable and a completely understandable motive for coming to counselling, but it's a can that usually does not contain what it says on the ... Read More >